Tears me up

Ive fallen too deep, too too deep.

Im suppose to carry on with my life.
Im suppose to pick up my heart that you've thrown.
Im suppose to forget about you.
Im suppose to not think about you anymore.
Im suppose to take as if you never exist.
Im suppose to stop my tears.
Im suppose to fix the broken pieces that you have shattered.
Im suppose to not hurt myself.
Im suppose to pick myself up again.

im suppose to im suppose to im suppose, you think its easy? Why dont you try being me? Maybe its all my fault, if i had not caused you to wait so long, if i had not hurt you so badly previously, if i had not wasted so much of your time, if i had not accepted you earlier, probably things would not have turned out this way. So many what ifs, but the more i think of it the more i hate you. And the more i hate you the more i hate myself. So your one year of waiting has gone down the drain, its your choice your decision your feelings. How i wish i could turn back time, i would have avoided and prevented many things and i guess i would not have suffered so much. Im a failure in everything, im a pure loser. I always fall, i have not once succeeded in anything. Im tired of falling, im tired of crying, im tired of being me, im tired of being in love. Each time i try so hard to pick myself up, ill end up falling again. Laugh at me, laugh all you want. Because i too, am laughing at myself...I always fail in this area of my life, i never once experience happy ending. I thought that this time would be a happy ending that i had always wished for, but it turned out to be the worse..You gave me so much hope, and when im about to reach the top of the mountain you just push me down. You get what i mean? Please dont ever come back because i dont wish to trust you anymore.. So much for those empty promises. FML. Fguys. Im disappointed i am.

sleepless nights, never ending tears, ugly eyebags, big swollen eyes, broken heart. Worth it, NOT. Just wanna say that although i so wanna slap you, at least i did not regret being with you. Thank you for being there for me always.
I MISS YOU.